


But You Didn't

by viralbabe



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: 1940s, M/M, Oneshot, after the war, before the war, bucky is always there for steve, post serum steve, pre first avenger, pre serum steve - Freeform, steve writes bucky a letter, steve/bucky - Freeform, until he's not
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-05
Updated: 2016-10-05
Packaged: 2018-08-19 19:08:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8221717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/viralbabe/pseuds/viralbabe
Summary: Bucky has done so many things for Steve and Steve just wanted to be there for him.





	

**Author's Note:**

> hey umm listen to this playlist while reading <3 http://8tracks.com/wntrsoldat/wait-for-me

 

_"Remember when after those many fights I've been in, I thought you would be disappointed in me. I also thought you would stop helping me up when I was down. But you didn't."_

     Steve waited for Bucky to yell at him after his third fist fight this week. To lecture him and tell him how stupid and dumb he was for getting into those fights all the time. But he didn't. He didn't yell, he didn't look at him with his usually disappointed look. He just helped Steve up and simply wrapped an arm around his neck and shoulders and continued down he boardwalk past Coney Island.

   
     "You're a punk, Steve." Bucky said with a small smile. "And you're a jerk." Steve replied wiping the blood from his mouth. The two walked back to their crappy apartment they got together after Steve's parents died and when Bucky didn't want to live with his family anymore. "Ah, they don't need to feed an extra mouth anymore. I'm doing them a favor." He would say. But Steve knew deep down Bucky just wanted to be there for him. Thats how Bucky had always been.

 

_"I even remember when I got fired many times, I couldn't do much for my size or strength at the time. I was useless. I came home and told you I had gotten fired almost every month. I had thought you would've gotten sick and tired of me by now...not being able to help with rent or food. I thought you would tell me to leave. But you didn't."_

     Steve shrunk into his seat when he told Bucky about losing his job again. He had expected Bucky to be a little angry. Complain about not being able to have enough money for rent now. How will they pay to keep them both full and keep their apartment? Steve closed his eyes as he waited for Bucky to say something. Anything. But he didn't. He just pressed his knuckles against Steve's jaw lightly and stood from the small wooden dinner table. "S'all right Steve," Bucky said walking towards the window.

  
     "I've been thinking about getting a second job anyways, down by the docks." He continued with his back towards the smaller boy. He pulled out his old cigarette box from his pocket and took one out, taking it to his lips and taking out a match as well. He lit the cigarette and blew out some smoke turning back to him and noticing Steve's slightly worried features.

  
     "Don't worry Steve, We'll be alright. We always are." He said with a small chuckle. Steve smiled up at his best friend and stood up to grab his sketch book and sit by the window with Bucky. Their tradition. Bucky turned on the old radio as Steve sat down with his small black book and charcoal pencil in his hands. _You Always Hurt The One You Love_ by The Mills Brothers started playing and the two boys sat silently listening to the tune watching over the busy city of Brooklyn.

 

_"Do you remember when I thought I was right about everything? And this one time, we went out to see a movie out of the many other times..and you told me it was going to rain. I told you that you were wrong and that we'd be fine. But you were right. It stormed so hard my toes we're frozen. I thought you would say "I told you so," or you would never listen to me again. But you didn't."_

     Steve had dragged Bucky to an afternoon movie one Saturday. On Bucky's only day off, which was rare so Steve wanted to take advantage of it. The walk to the theater was about an hour an a half away. Bucky had told him that it'll probably rain or even a storm might hit. But Steve didn't want to believe that. He wanted to go out and enjoy his day with his best pal. "It's not going to storm," He told Bucky. Even though deep down he knew it would. Bucky just shrugged, knowing he was right.  
   

     "Grab your coat in case, punk." He said walking out the door. Steve shrugged and closed the door behind him. Half way to the movies, it started to rain and thunder so much the two boys had to turn around and head back home so Steve wouldn't end up with Pneumonia. Bucky took off his jacket and wrapped it around Steve's shoulders as they walked fast home.

 

  
    _"When I found you..in that lab. I thought you weren't going to remember who I was. Just that_ look _in your eyes. I thought you would tell me to leave because I wasn't that Steve anymore. But you didn't. You looked at me and smiled with relief and a hint of something I couldn't quite place back then. You looked at me and said my name and I couldn't of been more happy that you were there and alive and breathing."_

     Steve ran down the hall wanting to go after whoever that man was. But his gut feeling told him to check that room. That room that would hold his best friend. "Oh Bucky," Steve whispered. "What did they do to you..?" Bucky was whispering something Steve couldn't really understand. Numbers? His name? "Buck. Its me, it's Steve." He said as he broke the straps off him. Bucky looked so off, so gone. Has he lost his memory? Did he not recognize him? Bucky looked to Steve with a dreamy look. "Steve," He breathed out. "Yeah, it's me." Steve helped Bucky up and held him close.

     
     "I thought you were dead," He said as he clapped a hand to his cheek. "I thought you were smaller, Bucky said quietly." Steve looked around the room for a clue for whatever he needed to do next. "What happened to you?" Bucky asked a little out of breath. "I joined the army," Steve said trying to lighten the mood. "Did it hurt?" Bucky said letting go of Steve and walking on his own, stumbling a bit. "A little," Steve said more focused on getting out of that place. "Is it permanent?" Bucky asked. "So far," Steve replied.

      _"I remember on that same day, you made it to the other side to safety. I knew either one of us or both of us was going to die that day and if it had to be me to make sure you stayed alive I would've taken that offer any time. I told you to leave. But you didn't."_

     "Go on! Get out of here!" Steve shouted across the railing. The building was going to explode. Bucky needed to leave before they both ended up dying in there. But Bucky stood his ground. "No not without you!" He shouted with anger and panic. Steve breathed out and looked around. Walking backwards he held his breath and ran forward and jumped.

  
    _"When I asked you if you were ready to follow "Captain America into the jaws of death" and you told me "No," I had thought I lost my best friend for some reason. That this was getting all too much for you. I thought you would tell me I was being stupid for wanting to do this. But you didn't."_

     "Told you. They're all idiots." Bucky said with a chuckle as Steve sat besides him. Bucky takes a drink of his whiskey as Steve says, "How about you?," Steve turned to him. "Are you ready to follow Captain America into the jaws of death?" He said with a little sarcasm. "Hell no," Bucky had said. Steve was worried. Was this the end of Bucky and Steve following each other around everywhere they went? Would Bucky go home after all he's been through? Steve thought Bucky would continue his reason for saying no, but he didn't.

   
     "That little guy from Brooklyn who was too dumb to run away from a fight. I'm following him. Steve smirked as Bucky took another sip from his glass. "But you're keeping the outfit right?" Bucky said leaning closer to Steve. Steve raised an eyebrow. "You know what? Its kinda growing on me."

 

      _"I remember flirting with Agent Carter, and most of the time I did, it was always in front of you. And looking back at it now I think I wanted to make you jealous. I didn't know at the time because I truly believed that I liked her. But I realize now that I could never love someone like I love you. After seeing your face after I flirted with her, I thought you would walk out of the bar right then and there and never speak to me again. Leave me there alone without my right hand man. But you didn't."_

     The look on Bucky's face said it all. He was jealous. He wasn't jealous because he couldn't get that one girl just like he could back in Brooklyn. He was jealous because Steve did. And it wasn't because he was interested in Peggy, no. He realized his bigger feelings for Steve. "I'm- I'm invisible." Bucky said thinking, _How could Steve love me? He clearly has the hots for Peggy._ "I'm turning into you." He turned it into a joke. Just like he does with every other serious situation he's in. "Ah, don't be too hard on yourself. Maybe she has a friend." Steve said clamping a hand on Bucky's shoulder. Bucky looks down sadly. "Yeah maybe," He whispers more to himself knowing Steve has turned away and can't see nor hear him.

      _"That was the same night we shared our first kiss. I was so worried you would stop in the middle, call me disgusting and run inside and tell everyone. But you didn't. And deep down I knew you wouldn't. I knew you could never do such a thing even if you didn't want to kiss me back."_

     Bucky walked outside pulling out a cigarette and leaned against the ally wall. It was raining softly, the rain paddling on the roofs and dripping lightly on Bucky's head. He looked up and shifted his head against the brick wall. "I'm so stupid," He whispered to himself. Is this what heart break felt like? The empty pit in his stomach churned and his heart hurt a little. He didn't know how to feel. He wanted to scream or cry or hit something. Maybe all three. He inhaled the smoke as a small tear ran down his cheek, going unnoticed because of the rain.

     "What are you doing out here?" A familiar voice asked. Bucky looked over to Steve and held up the cigarette without saying a word. "You okay?" Steve asked walking closer to Bucky. "I know what happened back at that lab, and if you...need to talk to me about anything you know I'll listen." Steve said looking down. "You're my best friend Buck," He almost said in a whisper looking to meet Bucky's eyes. Bucky nodded and looked around. "Thats, no...that's not whats troubling me. But hey, go back inside its cold and raining what if you get sick?" Bucky said a little rough tilting his head. Steve chuckled and looked around. "I don't- I'm not the same anymore. Not so weak and can't get sick as much now." Bucky nodded like he remembered. "Because of that serum shit you have going on now, yeah?" He said with a small smile. "Yeah because of that serum shit." Steve laughed. "What's troubling you Buck?" He continued.

   
     "It's...nothing Steve, really just forget about it." Bucky said putting out his cigarette and dropping it on the cement. He looked back up to face Steve. In the dim light he could see his features have gotten stronger, a stronger jaw, a wider neck. He was taller than Bucky for sure now, something Bucky would have never thought would happen. But his favorite thing of Steve's did happen to stay the same. His eyes. As blue as the sky and as bright and sparkly as diamonds. Bucky hadn't noticed he was staring directly into Steve's eyes for a whole minute until Steve leaned closer. Was he going to kiss him? Bucky wasn't sure his heart had ever pounded so fast in his life. As Steve leaned in a little more Bucky leaned in meeting him a little less than half way. As the longing became unbearable, Steve's lips met Bucky's, the warmth of his mouth sent a current running through his body. Steve placed his hand on Bucky's hip leaning closer than they already were and Bucky wrapped his arms around Steve's neck losing himself in Steve's warmth and soft lips.  
A light breeze tussled the two boy's hair and suddenly they were aware of their surroundings and situation. They pulled apart slowly, Bucky opening his eyes wondering when he had even closed them. Steve cleared his throat as Bucky looked sideways finding the brick wall more interesting than the current situation.

    "Um, that was-" Steve had started as Bucky finally looked him in the eyes. Steve looked down and looked back up to see Bucky wearing a small smile. "You should've taken me to dinner first, Rogers." Steve smiled wide as he was about let out a light apology, Bucky grabbed at his tie and connected their lips once again.

 

 

      _"I remember sharing secret kisses with you before we would go out to battle, knowing after it was all done we could go back to our tent and be with each other. To be safe and happy as long as we were together. I remember seeing you smile when I told you this would be the last mission for defeating Hydra if it all worked out._ "We can finally go home," _I remember saying. You hugged and me told me you couldn't wait to go home and start the life we deserve. After we had gotten packed and ready for the final mission with the Howling Commandos I had asked you if you were sure about joining us on this trip. You laughed and told me you wouldn't miss it for the world. Everything after that went by in a flash. And you were gone. I had lost the one important thing in my life. I had so many things planned for us. So many things to tell you and show you. It was me and you against the world, till the end of the line. And I had hoped you would of magically appeared by the time we went back to camp after that. But you didn't."_

Steve folded the letter and placed it in an envelope with the letters _"Bucky"_ written in perfect cursive, ink smeared from fallen tears. He tucked the envelope in his small sketchbook and rose from the metal desk. With red eyes, he looked around the room one last time before turning around and walking out to his final mission, the first ever without his best friend and partner.

**Author's Note:**

> this work was inspired by the poem, "but you didn't" by merril glass you can read the poem here https://www.facebook.com/LatinPost/posts/873147696132838


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